Why Nobody Knows: The reason those struggling stay silent.

When it comes to mental illnesses such as anxiety or depression, it's obviously one of the hardest things to talk about. Whether it be with a complete stranger in counseling, or your best friend who you tell "everything." A lot of the signs for mental illnesses are pretty obvious, but only to the person suffering. 

• Feeling sad
• One of the most obvious symptoms of depression. "Feeling Down." It makes sense seeing as the definition of "depress" is to "pull something down into a lower position." Depression latches to your body, mind and soul and drags you down constantly. It's an everyday battle of sadness and feeling lonely. If we're in constant need of help, why do we always keep quiet about it? Put on a fake smile, force ourselves to get out of bed and look like we didn't just sleep for 16 hours because we were so depressed, tell everyone "I'm just tired." Because who can help? Most people don't know how to react when they hear "I'm depressed," and you usually just get told to talk to a doctor because you "need help." Like I didn't already know. 
• Losing interest
• Remember that dinner with friends you were suppose to go to? Or how about the movie date with that cute new guy? What about grocery shopping you've put off for 2 weeks? And class? Forget about work, when was the last time you showered? When people don't suffer from depression, they don't know the toll it can and will take. They also don't understand why it's SO much easier to lay in bed, fall back asleep, and pretend to deal with the repercussions later. Ignore the messages and calls and go on like it never happens. So a note to anyone who is mad if I cancelled last minute: I didn't cancel, my depression did. 
• Sleeping too little or too much
• This sounds like a 50/50 draw of heaven or Hell, but both are AWFUL. Sure - if you don't get enough sleep, you're exhausted. School, work, social life and everything else circulating around you every day can leave little to NO time to sleep, making it hard to even get to sleep when you do get the chance. Then your only option is 8 cups of coffee throughout the day to stay alive. So what about sleeping TOO much? It's the worst. Because what happens when you get too much sleep? Nothing - besides sleep. You avoid every day tasks, you fall behind in school, you get lazy at work, you forget to eat, and even if you get a lot of sleep, you still wake up exhausted, depressed, and wanting to go back to bed more than ever. But that's ok, because when people ask, you can claim you got the perfect amount of sleep and that you're just "waking up." 
• Trouble concentrating
• "Dear class: can anyone help me with the notes/study guide? I have everything except A-Y. Thanks!" A constant email I have to send. Why? It's not because I skip class. It's not because I don't pay attention. It's not because I'm tired and fell asleep. It's not because I'm stupid. And it's not because I'm lazy and don't want to do the work. But that's why I'm told. It's because no matter what class I'm in, or what topic I'm learning, it's so damn hard to think about ANYTHING else aside from the fact that it took me over an hour to drag myself out of bed today, how much work I have to do in the afternoon, and how I can not wait to get back home and out of public. I am smart. I pay attention. I take notes. I ask questions. But what do I remember from class today? I am depressed.
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• No matter how many times people say "it's ok. It's not your fault. Maybe you're getting sick. Maybe you're over tired. Maybe youre stressed. Maybe you should relax. Maybe you should calm down. Maybe you should sleep. Maybe you should get help," I know that's not the reason. I could sit here and ask to get help all day long. I could talk out my issues, I could try to eat healthier, I could try yoga. I could get more involved, learn to live more, but at the end of the day?  It's still my fault. My body is controlling my life from the inside out and it's telling me the guilt resides with my name. No matter what mental illness you have, or what medications or therapy you are taking to cope with it, you can't help but think "maybe if I did this differently..." or "should I have fixed this sooner?..." every day. You live in a constant cycle of being told you need help, but being told it's gonna be okay, and then being told it's all your fault.